The etiquette around what should be a text, a phone call, or an in-person conversation can seem unclear. So much is dependent on the relationship you have with the other person and what technological era they grew up in.
There is one rule-of-thumb that transcends generations, though, says Daniel Post Senning, co-author of “Emily Post’s Etiquette: The Centennial Edition.”
“Any conversation that is likely to be emotionally charged, you want to give yourself the best chance possible to bring all your emotional tools to it,” he says.
Tone, volume, and body language can all help alter how a message is received and can’t be conveyed over text.
Both bad news and good news are better communicated with a phone call
The most commonly used example of conversations that shouldn’t be text messages are break-ups. But the range of topics that need to be handled delicately is much wider.
“Sharing the news of someone’s passing or bad health information, like someone got a bad diagnosis,” should not be done over text, Senning says.
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Alternatively, good news like a marriage proposal or finally moving to your dream city might be better communicated over the phone or in person.
An easy way to know if a text should be a call is to look at how long it is. “If you find yourself writing a paragraph via text, maybe give yourself a chance to ask the other person when a good time to call is,” Senning says.
Generally, texts should be informational. “They should be used for who, what, when, and where,” Senning says. “Don’t call me to tell me the address of a party. Just text it to me.”
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